


Secure

by amirthfulgirl



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cuddling, Emotional Support, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Sad and Soft, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26579485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirthfulgirl/pseuds/amirthfulgirl
Summary: It was at least the tenth times since the trial that Rafael’s phone rang and displayed a certain detective as the caller.And Rafael finally broke and picked up.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 73





	Secure

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I thought about this the last few nights when falling asleep and I somehow managed to actually write something good so here you go. It’s set a few days after the events of “the undiscovered country”.  
> I hope you will enjoy it! 
> 
> As always please leave kudos and/or comments, they’re very appreciated!
> 
> And English still isn’t my native language, sorry for any mistakes.

It was at least the tenth times since the trial that Rafael’s phone rang and displayed a certain detective as the caller.  
And Rafael finally broke and picked up.  
“Barba.”  
“Hi. Uh, Carisi here.” He could clearly hear the surprise in the other man’s voice. There was a pause before a soft “Hey.” came through the line again.

“What do you want, Carisi?” Rafael knew he sounded unnecessarily rude but also very tired. He didn’t know how to handle the other man’s clear happiness of hearing from him. He didn’t deserve that happiness.  
“Uh, I just... wanted to talk to you. Hear you. I was worried. You just left. I mean I know you probably need some time and space but I just had to know you’re... uh... okay, I guess. Sorry if I was a bit persistent.” The detective stuttered out, clearly nervous.  
“I’m as okay as it can be expected under the circumstances.” Rafael answered shortly.

“Okay.” Another pause. “I don’t know if you even still wanna talk to me, I mean you obviously picked up, but it’s okay if you wanna leave this behind. I just wanted to hear from you again, just once. And maybe – I don’t know – maybe you want to keep contact. I don’t wanna pressure you. I just thought we grew closer over the past months and I consider you my friend, I don’t know if you do too, but I just thought that’s what friends do. Looking out for each other. But it’s okay if you don’t want to, want a clean cut, I understand, I just wanted to... check.” Carisi finally finished his little ramble.

Rafael was stunned into silence for the moment. He knew what Carisi meant. They had been growing closer in recent times and Rafael had actually started to enjoy the detective’s company. And maybe there even had been something more waiting for them although Rafael wouldn’t dare to actually admit that. But now sitting on his sofa, the reality of what he had done still lingering in the room, he couldn’t understand how the younger man still wanted to be his friend. Rafael felt the other man was possible the one person he had disappointed the most of the people around him. He wasn’t the great ADA, the mentor, the colleague anymore that Carisi had looked up to, admired and eventually became friends with. He was none of that anymore. He had destroyed all that foundation, that hope, that possibility of something more or even just that possibility of a good friendship. Or at least that was what Rafael believed. But Carisi was here, talking to him.

“Barba?” Carisi tentatively asked after not receiving an answer. And god how soft his name sounded coming from the detective’s lips.  
“I– I don’t know.” Was all Rafael could answer. It came out broken, sad.  
Carisi waited a moment, waited for something more but Rafael couldn’t form another sentence in his head. He felt numb, tired. The day had actually started better than the others, he had felt better when he had gotten up that morning, he had thought he had finally broken through the cloud but now everything around him was white again, no way out.

“Uh... so maybe – I don’t wanna be too forward – but maybe you wanna do this face to face? We can meet, talk, actually see each other.” Rafael just answered with a affirmative “Hm.” still not trusting his voice or his mind.  
“You want me to come by? Do you have time today? Okay yes stupid question, you probably do. But is it okay if I come? I can bring food.” Carisi offered, desperately hoping to get an answer from the older man.  
“Yeah.” Rafael answered, barely audible.  
“Okay, can you text me your address? I can be there in like 45 mins. Is that okay, Barba?” Carisi sounded even more nervous than at the beginning of the call now.

Rafael took a deep breath before answering as steady as he could. “Yes that’s okay. And please call me Rafael.”  
He could picture the smile spreading across the detective’s face at that offer and it made his heart flutter.  
“Okay. I’m gonna hang up now, see you in a bit.” “Yeah see you.” Rafael answered softly before dropping his phone on the sofa next to him and burying his face in his hands.

~~~

About 50 mins later there was a soft knock on his door. He didn’t know how Carisi got up to his apartment without ringing the bell but he didn’t care. Some neighbour probably let him in.

Carisi looked good. He had a small smile on his face, his cheeks were tinted pink from the cold and he held a pizza carton out in front of him.

“Hey.” The younger man said softly.  
Rafael was sure he could start crying right then and there, seeing the other man again, knowing that he had made the effort to come to him, even bringing him food, seeing someone caring about him, seeing Carisi caring about him. It wasn’t the first time in the last few days that Rafael felt overwhelmed.  
After a few seconds of just standing there looking at each other, he finally took a deep breath and with a small “Hi.” opened the door further for the detective to step into his apartment.

Carisi placed the pizza carton on the kitchen table before draping his jacket over one of the chairs. Rafael helplessly stood in the middle of the room, still way too close to crying and emotional upon seeing the other man face to face again.  
Carisi turned around, his eyes so soft and protective searching for Rafael’s.  
“Can I hug you?” He asked tentatively, tilting his head to the side. Rafael just nodded and before he knew he was pulled in by strong arms that wrapped around his back and held him close.  
He fisted his hands into the soft material of Carisi’s jumper and then he finally let go and buried his face in the other man’s shoulder and cried.

Rafael never cried. The only other time he remembered was when his abuela died.  
But here he was. And he felt secure and comfortable in the long, strong arms pressing him into the other man’s chest.

“You wanna move to the couch?” Carisi asked quietly after a moment. Rafael just tightened his grip on the jumper and tried to press even closer as a response, not wanting to let go.  
“Come on.” Carisi slowly manoeuvred them towards the sofa, never loosening his grip on Rafael. “I’m gonna lie down, okay?”  
Rafael just nodded. And then he felt himself being pulled down into a horizontal position.

He slowly lifted his head for a moment to check their new position. He was half lying on Carisi’s chest and also pressed against the back of the sofa. Carisi’s head was on the arm rest of the couch looking down on him with the softest and kindest eyes Rafael had ever seen. They had somehow managed to even completely entangle their legs, one of Carisi’s feet slowly rubbing up and down Rafael’s ankle. 

Rafael felt new tears forming because of the situation, he wasn’t sure if they were still sad tears or happy tears of being so close to the man that meant so much to him and was actually here for him.  
Rafael dropped his head on Carisi’s shoulder again, while still holding on tight to the other man’s chest.  
“You can take a nap if you want. You’re exhausted.” Carisi offered.  
“Hm.” Rafael answered and then followed it with a quiet and muffled “Thanks, Sonny.”  
He could feel the other man’s arms tightening around him and could imagine the smile spreading across his face at the use of his preferred nickname.  
Carisi – Sonny pulled him a bit closer again and then buried his nose in Rafael’s hair. “Always.” And then a soft kiss was placed on top of Rafael’s head.

Maybe it was still there after all. Their friendship, the closeness. Maybe even more.  
Sonny still cared for him, still welcomed him with open arms, still wanted to be close to Rafael. You couldn’t get rid of Sonny that easily. He was the kindest, most open-hearted, most loving man Rafael has ever met, and having him here with him as his support was possibly the best thing that could have ever happened to Rafael. He wouldn’t have believed anyone if they had told him today in the morning that something like this would ever happen to him. Not after everything. But it did. And his heart felt so full of love and admiration for the other man, like it had never felt before. 

So he finally let himself relax, let his guard down. “Thank you.” He murmured again into Sonny’s shoulder before slowly drifting off into the best sleep he had in a very long time. Because he had those strong arms around him and that warm pillow beneath him. Because he hadn’t lost Sonny in all of this.

**Author's Note:**

> (The pizza will also be eaten at some point, don’t worry.)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading! Kudos and/or comments are always welcome.
> 
> You can find me on twitter @ndrwsctt.


End file.
